Tuesday, May 4, 2010

BURN: Sec. Napolitano Slain In Freak Incident

(AP)  In a freak incident earlier today, Secretary of Homeland Security Napolitano was slain by a pack of lone wolves.

The lone wolves posted a video moments after their attack from a country ending in "istan", suggesting some evidence that the attack was coordinated, and may have been the work of more than one lone wolf.

This possibility was substantiated by witnesses, who tell of a pack of lone wolves being the alleged perpetrators.

Shaken by the loss of his boss, an unidentified Homeland Security spokesman immediately assured reporters that there was no evidence the attack was the result of terrorism.  He added that there was no evidence that any of the lone wolves being sought were surnamed Mohamed, adding that the wolves of interest in the attack were domestic sheepdogs.

Sec. Napolitano reportedly succumbed to her wounds at the scene, moments after whispering the single word, "Amateurish...".

No motive for the attack is known, and a spokesman for Major Bloomberg warned that anyone committing hate-speech against a peaceful lupine member of the community would be immediately executed.

Witnesses describe several of the lone wolves exclaiming, "Allah ak-BARWOOOOO..." during the fatal attack.  None of the officials who commented on the attack put any significance on this inexplicable clue.

Police were circulating the picture below, identified only as a wolf of interest.

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