Monday, March 8, 2010
Commissar Mikey, Reporting For Doody
Michael Moore has written an open letter to his buds at Huffing Po, offering PBO his inestimable services as Chief Of Staff in lieu of Rahm “Dead Fish” Emanuel. (Others have suggested that the “Fish” is a dead man walking.)
Emanual has gotta go, according to Commissar Mikey. Not enough Leftist zeal. Too pragmatic (!?).
In what seems a transparent ploy to keep his name recognition up, Fat Mikey suggests (I suppose with his Jabba tongue planted firmly in his cheek) just what he would do for the Obama administration. It isn’t pretty…
"Now, don't get too giddy with excitement over my offer, because you and I are going to be up at 5 in the morning, seven days a week and I am going to get you pumped up for battle every single day. Each morning you and I will do 100 jumping jacks…"
When the earthquakes subside (please…Fat Mikey doing ANY jumping jacks…improbable!), Mikey will then lead the President in a recitation:
“THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ELECTED ME, NOT THE REPUBLICANS, TO RUN THE COUNTRY! I AM IN CHARGE! I WILL ORDER ALL OBSTRUCTIONISTS OUTTA MY WAY! IF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE DON'T LIKE WHAT I'M DOING THEY CAN THROW MY ASS OUT IN 2012. IN THE MEANTIME, I CALL THE SHOTS ON THEIR BEHALF! NOW, CONGRESS, DROP AND GIVE ME 50!!" (All caps in the original, BTW)
What an interesting approach to the presidency of a free people, who only heads one of three co-equal branches of our government! It’s interesting for what it tells us about Mikey, even if his tongue is momentarily contained in his gob.
But, wait…there’s moore…er…more… They will “jog” to Capital Hill, where they will deal respectfully with the members of the legislature:
“Like drill sergeants, we will get right up in their faces and ask them, "WHAT PART OF THE PUBLIC MANDATE DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND, SOLDIER?!! DROP AND GIVE ME 50!” (Caps in original.)
Commissar Mikey leaves out the part where the public is overwhelmingly AGAINST federalizing our health care, but no matter. He’s on a roll (Parker House?)
He adds this thoughtful, respectful, and utterly non-partisan suggestion:
“Just to give you an idea of the new style I'll be bringing with me, when a cornhole like Sen. Ben Nelson tries to hold you up next time, this is what I will tell him in order to get his vote: "You've got exactly 30 seconds to rescind your demand or I will personally make sure that Nebraska doesn't get one more federal dollar for the rest of Obama's term.”
Sure, we can say it’s a fantasy, but don’t fantasies tell a lot about how our minds work…what we’d do if the safeties were off? Where our heart’s desire would fly if unfettered?
I thought it was wonderfully revealing of Mikey. He isn’t happy with being the Minister Of Propaganda for the Collective. He has bigger dreams.